Archive for the ‘Relationships’ category

I’m married!

September 23, 2011

Jim and I got married last Saturday in the Syracuse, NY area. Here are a few pictures from the rehearsal dinner, which took place at the Wellington House in Fayetteville.

My husband and me

My siblings and me

Some of us about to eat

 Here are a couple of pics from the ceremony, which took place at Immaculate Conception Church in Fayetteville:

And some pictures from the reception, which took place at the Lafayette Hills Golf & Country Club in Jamesville, NY.


The wedding was so much fun (at least I had a blast)! I can’t wait to see the professional pics!

My friend Katie’s wedding advice

July 8, 2011

Katie on her wedding day

A few weeks ago I was freaking out over the idea of people not coming to my wedding. Very shortly after publishing a blog post on this topic, I received a long email from my friend Katie (check out her blog). It turns out she had similar feelings while planning her wedding. I appreciated her sympathy,  but most importantly I appreciated her advice.

She said it can be easy to focus on the people who don’t come to your wedding– especially if you’ve made every effort to attend theirs or be an overall good friend to them.  But wallowing in your disappointment, sadness, or even anger serves no purpose. Instead, it’s better to focus on the people who are coming to your wedding.

In Katie’s case, she had people attend the event she totally didn’t expect would (because they lived far away). It really touched her they came, and ever since she’s grown closer with them. So if anything, at least a couple of friendships grew stronger from the wedding.

For some reason, this advice really hit home. Since hearing from Katie, I’ve had some more people say they’re can’t make it to the wedding. But I’ve also had some others say they can. I now know those are the ones who really matter.

Make the most of the present

June 24, 2011

Have you ever not pursued a friendship because the person was leaving town in a few weeks? Or not been especially nice to someone because you thought you’d never see them again? I’ve certainly been guilty of these things, but the older I get the more I realize these are big mistakes. Life has a way of repeating itself.  I mean, things don’t happen the same exact way twice (obviously). But elements of your past return in ways you’d never expect them to. For instance:

  • I knew a girl for just a couple days in France, but a couple years later unexpectedly drove her 10 hours to a wedding in Indiana (and 10 hours back).
  • I met a guy for just a few hours in Boston, but ended up going out with him 10 years later (and getting engaged).
  • A friend I briefly studied abroad with had me in her wedding eight years later and I’m going to have her in my wedding in September.
  • A town official I covered for a daily newspaper gave me French translation work several years later.

These are just a few of the many examples of people coming back into my life. I’ve been thinking about this lately because a new friend of mine (from my French conversation group) is moving to California in a month or so. It’s sad she’ll be leaving but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t make the most of being her friend for the next month. We might end up in the same place at another point in our lives, and even if we don’t, it’s still worth hanging out.

You never know what might happen tomorrow (you could get struck by a lightning bolt and die), so you need to make the most of the present. Enjoy people while they’re with you, and don’t worry about whether or not you’ll see them tomorrow.

Photo credit: www.flickr.com/photos/kicks01/4795408812

My friend Ina

June 22, 2011

Ina

I have a friend named Ina (check out her blog) who is one of the most generous people I know. When I first moved to Boston nearly three years ago, I barely knew anyone. I met Ina at a New Year’s Eve party, and two weeks later she invited me to a New Year’s resolution party at her house. She introduced me to 15-plus people, several of whom I’ve become friends with. I’m always impressed by how this girl brings people together. She’s always hosting game nights, girly parties, and other events for all her friends. I would definitely call her a “connector.” Here’s some of what writer Malcolm Gladwell has to say about connectors:

“The first–and most obvious–criterion is that Connectors know lots of people. They are the kinds of people who know everyone. All of us know someone like this. But I don’t think that we spend a lot of time thinking about the importance of these kinds of people…”

This webpage actually doesn’t explain the importance of connectors, but I would say they do an awesome job at helping us extend our social circles and find meaning in our lives. Thank you, Ina, for being such an awesome person!

Friend or coworker

May 30, 2011

I recently came across this blog post on whether your coworkers are just your coworkers or also your friends. It was actually published on my new company’s blog back in 2008. I found the article extremely interesting. I liked how the author personalized the topic by describing her relationship with her coworkers. Here’s an excerpt:

Being 24 years old, living in a city, and having come from a company full of 45 year old financial consultants I thought to myself ‘self, you are going to work with a bunch of cool 20 somethings and drink beers with them, and hang out, and be friends.’ Right, totally. So after a few months, I found myself enjoying this office, these 20 somethings, and the general fun that goes along with hanging out with your co-workers. The problem then becomes, are these people friends? Or are they coworkers?

She goes on to wonder if you can hang out with coworkers in a bar or restaurant (saying all the things friends say to one another in bars and restaurants), and then have a totally professional relationship with them while at work. I’ve sometimes grappled with this question. I like how the author went on to ask her CEO his opinion, and I like even more his response:

“…in your 20’s the people you work with can be very much part of your social network, you spend a ton of time together, usually share similar interests, and are forced in to close quarters. After 29, all bets are off – your life changes, you get married, have kids, then you spend less time worrying about making friends at work and more about managing the friendships you already have [or wondering why you have no friends].”

I really identify with these thoughts. For much of my 20s I spent lots of my free time with coworkers. I mean, it’s really easy to just head over to a bar or restaurant after work with your colleagues, especially if you work downtown. You all have a TON to talk about, as you spend so much time together every day. You can gossip about a coworker who’s not there, discuss your thoughts on a new work policy, or exchange opinions on the company’s evolution.

Now that I’m approaching 30, however, I find myself spending less time with coworkers and more time with friends I already have. Maybe that’s because I’m more settled than I was before (I’m engaged, don’t have plans to move, etc.), and have built a more balanced, multifaceted life.

To me it makes more sense to cultivate a wide variety of friendships than to largely hang out with coworkers. As you get older, you realize that friends are more than just who you are currently spending time with. They are the people you’ll continue to spend time with (or keep in touch with).

Often coworkers are just people you happen to be with at the moment, not people you’ll maintain relationships with after leaving the company. So your time is better spent figuring out who your friends are, in all realms of life, and spending time with those people.

This has been a great year

May 22, 2011

My fiance in our new apartment

One of my college roommates recently told me that 2011 has really been my year. I would say that’s correct, but also that the whole last year has been my year. Since turning 29 in June, I’ve moved in to an awesome apartment, gotten engaged, and become involved with copywriting– a field I truly enjoy. I have written copy for WordStream (a search marketing company) and FlipKey (a vacation rental property website), and last week I started a copywriting position with BzzAgent (a social marketing company). So far I love the new gig! I feel so lucky to have experienced such a great year, and am motivated to spread my good fortune in any way that I can.

When tragedy strikes, look for the silver lining

March 23, 2011

Imagine– you’ve just spent an amazing vacation full of fun, carefree living, tantalizing conversation, and exploration. While you’re sad to be headed back home, the joy of a week well spent overpowers any feelings of longing or nostalgia.

You encounter some road bumps on the way home (mostly related to your car’s functioning), but none of them compare to what’s about to happen. You wake up from a heavy night of sleep, walk into the hotel parking lot, and discover your car has been broken into.

Not only was the driver’s side window smashed, but practically half of the valuable possessions to your name were taken. More than $1,500 worth of stuff. The worst part is you could have prevented the crime. If you had been sure to remove all the valuables from view, the perpetrator probably wouldn’t have targeted your car  in the first place.

The combination of sadness your vacation is over, anger your car was burglarized, and regret you didn’t do the right thing can be a lot to handle.

Luckily, right after the incident I met a nice girl from Baltimore who cheered me up. Her philosophy is that the burglary was a sign from above. It’s a higher power trying to help me out in some way. Maybe he or she is telling me to be more careful in my life so that something worse doesn’t happen. Or that possessions aren’t everything.

In the last few days I’ve been mourning the “passing” of my stolen items. The retro Syracuse Chiefs shirt my fiance bought me last summer, the heart-shaped measuring spoons he just purchased because our measuring spoons are so mismatched, all the music from my time in France (where will I find all of these songs? Some are so obscure…), a bathing suit that fit me just right, my trusty GPS, my whimsical earrings from Kittery, Maine, and the list goes on.

Syracuse Chiefs shirt that was stolen

The objects I miss the most are the ones with sentimental value. Even if I am able to recoup some insurance money for the stolen items, there are many that can’t be replaced. So maybe the silver lining I must take away from this experience is that even objects with sentimental value aren’t as important as being healthy, having quality relationships, learning from our mistakes, and other facets of life. I must try to remind myself of this when I start missing that hair clip I’ve had since eighth grade.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.